11 August 2014

Guest Post: Getting Back What You Give by Hilary Grossman (Dangled Carat)

It's always surprising to me how often I connect with book people through non-book avenues. I met Hilary Grossman because we both consistently link up to Wordless Wednesday, a weekly photography meme. We naturally felt some affinity, seeing as I'm a book editor and she's an author.

Grossman's Dangled Carat is the true-life story of her relationship with the man who eventually became her husband. Although the two clearly loved each other, Marc was in no hurry to pop the question. What was the problem? In this open and honest memoir, Grossman talks about what it was like to wait for Marc to commit and how she coped with her mother's and her friends' opinions and advice.

Today, I'm happy to introduce you to Hilary, who stopped by to tell us about her book and why she decided to share her story with the world. She also reveals some of the rewards of becoming an author.

Getting Back What You Give

When I was a little girl I was always in awe of my mother. She could easily talk to anyone about anything. Unlike her I was shy and quiet. But over the years that changed, dramatically! I now follow in her footsteps and can easily share my life story with anyone who will listen. I am not afraid or embarrassed to share the difficult times either. After all, we all experience them. So I guess it isn’t shocking that I decided to bare my soul in my memoir, Dangled Carat.

Dangled Carat, while true, reads like a chick lit romance novel. It is the relatable and humorous story of my emotionally draining attempt to convert a commitment-phobic man into a husband with a little (okay, scratch that) a lot of help from his family and friends.

I decided to share my story in the hopes that I could assist someone else who was going through the same situation. Unfortunately, so many people experience falling in love with someone who has a fear of commitment. It is a very difficult predicament to be in. You are constantly second-guessing yourself and your decisions. You don’t know if you should listen to your heart or to your friends' advice.

While I hoped that my story could help someone else, I didn’t expect to know about it . . . I am beyond pleasantly shocked and surprised by how many people reached out to me after reading the book. So many people contacted me to share their own stories about how they too dated a commitment-phobe and how they were able to relate to my story. Others reached out to ask my advice for their dating dilemmas. They too bared their souls with me. But my favorite unexpected result after publishing my book was an email I received from a male reader.

He wrote to me and explained how much he was able to relate to my commitment-phobic boyfriend, and how much of Marc he saw in himself. He revealed that by reading the book he realized the ways he had sabotaged his relationships in the past. He also shared with me that after reading the book he learned he has to go at his own pace, regardless of what the other person seems to want--it will either work or not. He also told me that he learned he has to communicate his feelings and just relax, enjoy the moment, and let nature take it’s course rather than worry about what tomorrow will bring. This new attitude has kept him in a relationship that he would have already ended in the past!

Whenever I think of his email I am so thankful that I shared my story. Matters of the heart are difficult, but we have all been there. After all, love makes the world go round.
Thanks so much, Hilary. I'm still thinking of the man who emailed you because your memoir helped him find some personal insight. Wow! I'm always in awe of people like you, who are willing and able to share their life stories with others. If even one person realizes that she is not alone, then a memoir is a true success.

To learn more about Hilary Grossman, be sure to visit her blog, Feeling Beachie, where you can find out a few fun facts about her (and the secret to her chocolate chip cookies). Don't forget to friend her on Facebook, and follow her on Twitter. You can find Dangled Carat at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.


rhapsodyinbooks 8/11/14, 7:37 AM  

Always gratifying to hear about someone who got helped from what someone else wrote!

bermudaonion 8/11/14, 8:01 AM  

I bet there are a lot of readers who can relate to this book!

Beth Hoffman 8/11/14, 11:32 AM  

I echo what Bermudaonion said!

Daryl 8/11/14, 1:14 PM  

i married a commitment phobic .. i can't tell you how many times he said he was never getting married again (to add to his commitment issues he'd had a bad marriage and a worse divorce) but it all worked out .. and we just celebrated 36 years of marriage …

Hilary 8/12/14, 6:20 AM  

Beth F - thank you so much for welcoming me to your blog…. I am so glad that we met too! I always think of that guy too….It is beyond amazing knowing that my words touched him so deeply!

Daryl - wow! 36 years!!!! congrats!

Susi Kleiman 8/12/14, 7:40 PM  

So cool to see Hilary featured here and to hear about the way her book impacted someone else's life. I think, that more than anything makes it worse writing out your story. :)

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